What happens now?

Posted in Anonymous Q & A, Separation by Questions on January 2, 2013

Recently, after 13 years of marriage, my best friend and wife has been unable to resist the growing temptation to rid herself of what she calls a \’micro-managed existence\’ and now wants to separate so she can be free to be who she really is. This means embracing a growing awareness and recognition of her suppressed sexuality. She is committed to being a lesbian after years of not being able to find the strength to admit this to herself. We have three children aged 4, 5 and 10. We\’d like to separate amicably but I am hurt and resentful. We are in sexless marriage but we (supposedly) had a very active sex-life before all this came to a grinding halt recently. I cannot give her emotionally or physically what she needs and a divorce is all but likely at some point. She doesn\’t work and yet expects to have the kids move in with her (or for me to move out) … I\’m confused, upset and angry. What is the best course of action? We are both mindful of the kids and want to stay on the best of terms for their sake, but I\’m finding it hard to continue to provide for everything and everyone on a limited income while she explores her future options and still has no job to support herself, though she is training to change careers. Help?

1 Expert Comment

  1. On January 22, 2013 at 9:12 am
    Lorrie Stojni, B.A., M.A., LL.B. said:

    It sounds like you need to attend with a lawyer to obtain information about what occurs on separation. The issues you will be dealing with involve: custody/access of your children, child/spousal support and the division of your assets.

    In order to be “separate and a part” , no agreement is required by the parties. All that is required is that one party communicate to the other that the marriage is over. It sounds like you were blindsided by this decision.

    What you need to do is determine how your assets will be divided (your home if you own one), and where your children will be living.

    A lawyer can assist in explaining what your options are.


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